The complaint that never goes away

Why, when I look at his phone, are there so many calls to and from that skank? Seems they talk alot more than they probably need to. I wish she would go away. For good.

Annoying Person in My Life

Here's one I haven't blogged about yet. The nasty bitch that my boyfriend thing hangs out with. She's a complete drunk, drama lovin', herpes havin' skank. Ever since I started seeing the guy I've been in some kind of relationship with for over 3 years now, she's been around, being a complete annoyance. He slept with her 2 years before we started dating when they were both too drunk to remember much of it, and he can't figure out why A. I don't like her, and B. why I don't think it's cool when they hang out and get drunk together. Honestly, I don't really see any kind of friendship between them. She's just another person for him to hang out and get drunk with. An enabler. What a great person to continue a friendship with. Another thing I never understood is, why does he think it's necessary to have her work phone number? When I had a job outside the business we have together, he never had my work number stored in his phone. I've been on the verge of telling him to fuck off for awhile now. Problem is, we have a business together and live together, and we don't make enough money in order for me to move out. The stupid bitch is the only thing I absolutely cannot STAND about him. Thanks bitch, for always being there. I will never completely feel comfortable with this idiot. Maybe one day things will change and I'll be far away from all of these idiots who totally suck.

Todays Bitchings

Some people shouldn't drink coffee. I know from experience that it makes people CRAZY! Too much coffee for the wrong person, and they become an obnoxious pain in the ass. They can talk your ear off, and not even know it. I had to stop drinking coffee because it was making me even more socially anxious and self conscious than I am anyway. It was not fun. I found myself spewing out random shit that I wish I hadn't said all the time. It's so much more relaxing to not drink it at all. I wish more people would be more conscious of how uncomfortable they can make others around them when they are over-caffienated. To be even more honest, I think it would be great if people would be more conscious of their actions when they are under the influence of any substance that alters behavior. I get tired of being uncomfortable around people who are not able to see that they are enjoying themselves at other peoples' expense. PLEASE DON'T GET ALL PILLED OUT AND THEN DRINK 10 BEERS, SMOKE A BUNCH OF POT AND EXPECT TO BE TREATED LIKE YOU'RE NOT ACTING LIKE A 3 YEAR OLD. Grow up morons. When you're in your 30's and doing dumb shit like this, I have a hard time being around you, let alone respecting you. It's not fun for anyone but you, and if you had any idea how annoying you are, then you would probably understand exactly where I'm coming from. Learn to relax without all the fucking substance abuse.

There's Always Something To Bitch About

Hmmm . . . let's see here. Nothing special to complain about today. Just the normal everyday shit. Barely enough money to pay the bills. Not enough time or money to do what I would like to be doing. I would eat better, so I could feel better if I had enough money to pay for healthy food. I have alot of things I need to be doing, but I have to stay here at work in order to be able to pay the bills, barely. Typical annoying bullshit that everyone else complains about. Oh ya, the weather sucks too, can't forget that.

When I get Annoyed

I get annoyed when people ask too many questions. Figure it out for yourself. You're exhausting me! I also get annoyed when you come over to where I'm sitting and say 'What are you looking at?' when I'm on the computer. I don't do that shit. It's annoying, and I'm tired of giving you all this attention that YOU came here demanding from me. Sorry if I'm not in the mood to sit and listen to you tell me about the nudy picture messages that you and your boyfriend send each other, or to hear you tell me about how your boyfriend pulls all of his pubic hair out. Your fake laugh gets on my nerves too.

Dear Diary?

I titled this one dear diary because I feel like I'm writing one in this blog. I guess it's good for me to get things out somewhere besides in someone elses ear. It seems that things don't get better when I tell people around me what I'm dealing with in my head. It only makes me feel weak and inferior. Like they are a better person simply because they have the ability to deal with things without talking to others. I guess I'm kinda looking for help when I turn outward with my thoughts. I'm finding out that really the only thing that will help an undesirable situation is how I handle it, instead of asking for someones help. I want to work on trusting myself enough to use my best judgement and not be dependent on someone elses. This would probably be a major step in establishing a higher self esteem than the one I have lived with my entire life. I wanna keep things to myself and be more patient in order to make a better more effective choice for myself. I guess at age 34, I'm finally ready to find out who I am. I wanna love who I am and I wanna have fun with who I am.

Happy Alone Time

I like spending time alone. People annoy me. I know this is probably not right, but I can only stand to be around some people, and even then not for very long. I feel alot more relaxed and insightful when I'm not trying to relate to someone else. It's exhausting. I like to do what I want to do without asking someone if it's what they want to do. I should probably try to make an attempt to do things with people, but I don't feel like I can until I've had enough time to myself. I'm no good to anyone else if I'm no good for myself. I'm a person who needs to spend alot of time alone in order to be myself and feel comfortable in the world. Then I can give to the people I come in contact with. I like to get to the point where I feel like I want some human contact. I get really tired of being around people without being given a choice. I become very short tempered and difficult to get along with. I need more time to myself so that I can be a positive force in the world. I need time to quiet my mind EVERY DAY.

A blog away from lame ass myspace

Well folks, it's time for me to let loose. I am now in a place where I can say whatever I want, and no one will even know it's me! How exciting. Maybe this will make me more socially acceptable. Maybe here I can say all of the things I say to the people around me, who supposedly 'love' me, but think I'm a negative anti-social bitch for saying, out. Ahhh, I can sprawl out and no-one can make me feel guily. Perfect. I have been waiting for this opportunity for quite some time.
Gosh, where should I begin? There are so many things to bitch about. So many things that the people 'closest' to me don't want to hear. I'm tired of 'faking it' around them. I can't even stand half of them. As a matter of fact, I have made a conscious effort to not contact, communicate with, or even take the chance of being in the same place as most of them.
Lets start with them . . . Here's a run down of the idiots in my life that I have chosen to not get involved with. These stories will enlighten you as to why I have made the decision to disconnect with them.
Let's start with -. I grew up with this person. We went to elementary and high school together. Now, here's where the real story begins. This person had parents who put her through college at a major university, while I had the choice to either have my estranged dad, who was at that time on his 3rd of 4 marriages, be forced to pay for my college, or move out on my own from my mothers house where I lived with her only because her boyfriend didn't want me living there at his house. As soon as I made the decision to move out on my own and go to beauty college, she moved in with him. Ouch. OK, so here's that certain someone going away to college, that her parents paid for, and me. I moved out on my own, and went to beauty school. Needless to say, we weren't so close by this time. Well, after college our little princess moves out to S.F., meets Mr. wonderful, and decides to move into a condo and get married. Meanwhile, my dad passes away and I collect a small fortune from his life insusrance. I used some of it to buy myself a small, reliable car, some to go on a vacation out west . . . because I had never been there,some of it to go to school for massage therapy, and the rest I put into an investment fund. So, the time comes for our little princess to have her special little wedding. Of course it's all the way out in S.F. I didn't want to go. 'Why?' you ask. Well, I hate flying, I didn't want to spend my investment money on a ticket, hotel room, dress, and anything else that costs 4 times as much as it should. Now she won't even talk to me. I tried apologizing . . . to no avail. The End.
Next, There's the current boyfriend, who I don't get along with for many reasons. Let me just say that I should have never even gotten involved with him in the first place. Why? Well, let's count the reasons. When I met him he was a complete drunk, and was sleeping with some girl who had a boyfriend at home. Nice. Then after he decided I was worth his time he broke it off with her. So, I thought, ok, baybe he's not so bad. Well, I put myself through hell for a long time with him because of another girl who at the time I met him had a boyfriend, then they broke up, and she would call my boyfriend to go out with her everytime she wanted to go out. Now, maybe I wouldn't have minded so much if A., They hadn't slept together before I came along, and B., they wouldn't have gone out to shows and parties together and gotten drunk. . . every weekend. I can't tell you how many times I would come home from work and the two of them would be out together. Ok, so then he decides that it's a good idea to have her move in with him. So, she moves in, and the whole time she lived there it was a party most every night. I should have run. I didn't. And now I have to deal with more of his friends' bullshit. For example one of his friends who got a divorce last year is back in the single saddle, and has the need to sleep with every girl he possibly can. He even started sleeping with the girlfriend of one of his good friends. Mind you, these people are all in thier 30's. Crazy huh? Funny thing is, that none of these people want anyone to know of thier little secrets. And if you ask them about it, they lie.
My boyfriend and I don't get along because I don't like his friends. I don't like being around them, and they're always around. My boyfriend cannot find it in himself to say 'no' to them when I'm hanging out with him. I'm tired of being subjected to thier company. All of his friends listed above, and then some, have been friends for like 20 years, and the fact that he has a difficult time spending time with me without them around has pissed me off so much that I can't even stand any of them.
My boyfriend and I also have a business together, and live together. I don't feel like I ever get to spend time with him one on one. I would really like to have time alone with him to do things to keep us growing closer, and he seems to think that we already spend alot of tome together. I don't think we're really spending time together, we just both spend alot of time in the same place. We're not really interacting the way we should if we're ever going to grow as a couple. So, now, we have decided to end it all. The relationship, the shop, and living together. I'll probably be happier without all the bullshit he and his friends do, and have done for the past 15 or so years.
There's a guy who comes into my place of business who drives me crazy because he is a know it all, and he talks too much. I wish people were more conscious of how amazingly annoying they are.
I have a reputation as a bitch . . . because I speak my mind. I'd rather be a bitch than a fake. I'd rather people be honest with me than tell me what I want to hear. I am judgemental, and I don't tolerate bullshit. Maybe if more people would approach thier social life in this manner, then we could get further as a race. But instead, people lie about and deny thier feelings, and accept behavior that exhibits arrested development.
If one more person asks me how my weekend was, I'm going to throw something. I don't get a weekend. I work 6 days a week, and usually, Sundays suck.
I've come to the realization that to be fake and superficial is to be happy. Happiness is nothing but convincing others that nothing bothers you.
I feel better, but I need to work on the whole 'faking it' idea, so that everyone thinks I'm good and happy!!