Dear Diary?

I titled this one dear diary because I feel like I'm writing one in this blog. I guess it's good for me to get things out somewhere besides in someone elses ear. It seems that things don't get better when I tell people around me what I'm dealing with in my head. It only makes me feel weak and inferior. Like they are a better person simply because they have the ability to deal with things without talking to others. I guess I'm kinda looking for help when I turn outward with my thoughts. I'm finding out that really the only thing that will help an undesirable situation is how I handle it, instead of asking for someones help. I want to work on trusting myself enough to use my best judgement and not be dependent on someone elses. This would probably be a major step in establishing a higher self esteem than the one I have lived with my entire life. I wanna keep things to myself and be more patient in order to make a better more effective choice for myself. I guess at age 34, I'm finally ready to find out who I am. I wanna love who I am and I wanna have fun with who I am.